There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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