Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
