Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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