The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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