I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
