its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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