a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
