god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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