: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
