Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
