So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
