what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize