4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
