There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
