oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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