in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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