..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
