with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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