man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
