You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize