My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
