If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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