so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Small penises have feelings too.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize