so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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