What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
