I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
