Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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