Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
