I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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