I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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