the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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