I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
