just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
