My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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