I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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