I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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