i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
