dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize