All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
