you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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