also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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