I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
