Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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