oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
