I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
