just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
