the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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