Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
