I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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