Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize