i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
