I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
