He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
