I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
