Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
