I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
