Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
