I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
