Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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