The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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