There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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