He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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