so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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