This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
