woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
