just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize