I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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