alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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