Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
