hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
