two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
