I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
