Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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