I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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