My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
