dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize