So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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