I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
