Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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