We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
