I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
