Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize