I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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