Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
