how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
