There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
