Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize