Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
