I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
