I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
