It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize