I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
