so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dignity is for republicans.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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